Relationships

Adult relationships stimulate personal development. They mix of gratification and frustration in ways that drive personal growth throughout adulthood. My responsibility is to facilitate that growth with respect and compassion.

Collaborative treatment

All psychotherapy should be fundamentally collaborative,  and especially relational work. We create an alliance to serve the relationship by supporting individual partners’ personal growth. 

Useful gridlocks

Partnerships usually have a mix of common desires or goals, and others that may be gridlocked. Gridlocks are hard to tolerate but useful for personal & relational growth. Growth comes from tension.

Self-validation & care

To work though this reality, partners must learn to be increasingly self-validating/self-caring. At the same time they must develop their feelings, thoughts and actions with a clear eye towards the impact they have on their partner(s).

Conflict & differentiation

Conflicts done well are necessary and good. Fights are very costly and rarely produce benefit. Arguments are a hybrid middle point, mix ing conflict and fight. They’re exhausting but useful for learning self-soothing.

Moving toward productive, respectful conflict and coming to terms with real differences is differentiation in action.