Counseling And Therapy
For Non-Monogamous & Kink-Identified individuals
This site introduces you to my psychotherapy practice with clients who identify as kinky, in non-monogamous or authority transfer relationships. You’ll find in-depth personal & professional information, a blog and links to therapy publications & research. It’s designed to help you select the best licensed mental health professional to work with. It’s also meant to inform you about different ways I think about – and work with – my clients and their concerns.
If after review you want to seek an appointment, please complete the non-clinical Intake Form. Click the button at the top of this or any other site page to open the form. Completing it takes about 15 mins.
After I receive it, we will schedule a phone call to see whether your reasons for beginning this work fit well with my specializations. I can answer questions about what you’ve read here, and set a first appointment.
I accept non-monogamous, kink-identified or authority transfer clients only. Practice accepting new clients as of Mar. 18 2024
Commitments To This Work
The therapeutic relationship is a collaborative alliance where we work together towards your goals. I develop it using curiosity – and never judgment. My curiosity can help activate yours, and I believe that process activates much of what’s “therapeutic”.
I seek to develop an accurate picture about you, understand the problems you present and effectively address them with you. I ask questions about your life experience and background, and map how you affect those close to you.
Our relationship should help you better understand your feelings, stimulate your thinking, connect with your body, expand your choices and see your overall progress. Success is usually about how you organize or integrate your thoughts, emotions, body sense and behavioral choices.
Kink & ENM proficiency
Learning about your erotic, sexual and relational life is important for my understanding your sense of self. Over 23 years of service and education have guided me to be proficient in serving kink-identified, authority transfer and non-monogamous (ENM) clientele. Please review my continuing professional education here.
Traumatic events can be deeply disorganizing & disorienting to a clear sense of self. Therapy reconstructs a clearer self, reorganizing the parts of personality that make up a whole person.
I have long welcomed the greatest possible diversity of clients into my practice. This includes racial, cultural, gender, sexual identities, body types and a wide range of relationships.
I am accountable to your feedback about our relationship, including any experience of racism or prejudice you believe you’ve experienced.
How To Make A
Click below to send me the secure, non-clinical Intake Form. Once received, I’ll set a phone appointment with you to learn about the therapy you are seeking, answer questions you have (based on your review of this site) and see if we should make an appointment.
First appointment secured with credit or debit account. See FAQ
Hours & Offices
Hours: 3:00P – 5:00P (last appt time.) Appointments are 50 mins. or 80+ minutes (preferred for relationships.)
See Intake Form
In-network with several health insurance carriers. See Intake Form for details.
Integrity, ethics, consent, transparency & decency should govern kink play as insurance against its risks.
Therapists' cultural knowledge & specialization are important but secondary to seasoned clinical and collaborative skills.
Important as clinical theory is, change happens within the personal therapeutic relationship - not the theoretical one.
Shame can be paralytic in silent ways, suppressing growth. We can shine a light on it, and take away the paralysis.
Anger is not an emotion. It's an affect - the visible/audible "wrapper" for emotions like fear, frustration, betrayal, confusion, shame, etc.
Relationship therapy is often the best individual therapy you can get.
20th Century Western culture gradually added ‘sexual satisfaction' to monogamy's "basic requirements." Non-monogamy pushes back on that.
Desire and commitment in relationships stem from different parts of the brain - and the self.
Eroticism, sexuality and relational life - at any level - express the essential self.
Relationships, even instant ones, need a certain amount or kind of warmth. Yet adding more warmth does not build, create or renew heat.
You can have "expectations" of your partners, but they're little more than projections onto them. Explicit agreements are what build relationships.
Understand/embrace conflict - clear, calm statements about self are what drive relationships forward with fewer arguments/fights.
Regression is not bad or shameful thing - it's part of learning. If we don't address here-and-now problems, we regress to 'old tape' responses - until we grow.
Progress can be measured when you see new choices in how to think, feel or take action - with a better developed sense of self.
Psychotherapy mixes support and challenge. "Fit" is when therapist and client agree on the mix. That takes more than a phone call or a first appointment.
Relationship agreements are labor-intensive. When they are absent, you are practicing relational privilege - when you assume things about your partner(s).
Referring to beginning a sexual experience, I use the verb “invite” rather than “initiate”. That's easier to understand and you can practice the art of seduction.
Shame lies between productive and paralytic. For wrongful acts, some shame is productive. When it becomes an ongoing indictment, you get paralysis.
Evidence indicates that monogamous & non-monogamous relationship satisfaction levels are about the same. Transitioning between the two is not simple or easy.
Libido is a Freudian theory with no scientific definition or data. Yet it's assumed to define desire and that "more" is better/normal. How then to understand demi- and asexuality?
Clients often say they feel guilty about something. It's frequently about them taking responsibility that's either displaced or misplaced- not about true violations.
Seeing differences in a relationship's sexual desire is fine. The bigger question is who partners really want to be and what they are willing to do.
Kink "aware" or "friendly" for healthcare professionals is insufficient. "Proficient" is based on extensive education & experience is defines expertise.
I began building my knowledge of kink over 20 years to bring the fullest possible spectrum of understanding human sexual behaviors.
Consensual/Ethical Non-Monogamy: “Consensual” = informed consent. It includes transparency, self-disclosure - and privacy. “Ethical” = decency: mindfulness of your effect on others
Psychotherapy requires the therapist to listen - deeply of course. The key for therapists is to then think differently than clients, but strictly for their benefit.
Post-traumatic symptoms reveal an unfortunate truth about the close relationship between the mind and the body.
I've learned over the years that relationships built on dependence eventually but invariably degrade into hostility.
Partners often talk about relationship expectations. They're only half of what really matters: agreements. Expectations are half-baked (and often half-assed) things.
I often receive apologies from clients when they openly show true feelings. I decline the apologies and invite clients to their rightful process.
I spent years working in intensive psychiatric settings so that I could learn diagnosis well - and -understand its limitations in the therapy relationship.
Immunity applies to microbiology - and to emotional life. Emotional immunity is what allows you to choose your feelings, free from others' contagious emotions and power plays.
Polyamory is only one form of non-monogamy.
Whatever "relationship anarchy" is (or whatever you think it is), it's a poor way of identifying or describing freedom of choice in an adult relationship.