Relationships

Adult relationships stimulate personal development. They bring a mix of gratification and frustration that drives personal growth throughout adulthood. My responsibility is to facilitate that growth with respect and compassion.

All psychotherapy should be fundamentally collaborative,  and especially relational work. We create an alliance to serve the relationship by supporting individual partners’ personal growth. 

Partnerships usually have a mix of common desires or goals, and others that may be gridlocked. Gridlocks are hard to tolerate but useful for personal & relational growth. Growth comes from tension.

To work though this reality, partners must learn to be increasingly self-validating/self-caring. At the same time they must develop their feelings, thoughts and actions with a clear eye towards the impact they have on their partner(s).

On one hand, I believe conflict is necessary and good. On the other, fights are often very costly and rarely produce benefit. Arguing is the middle state, exhausting but useful for learning self-soothing. Moving toward productive, respectful conflict and coming to terms with real differences is differentiation in action.