I began building my approach to relational psychotherapy twenty-three years ago. The practice model I use with relationships integrates partner sexualities into treatment.
Regardless of who I work with, I use my understanding of the lifelong process of differentiation. It lies at the heart of personal development – having a self and fulfilling relationships with others. It’s also non-normative – ideal for clinical work with kinky and non-monogamous clients.
Differentiation elegantly models the process of evolving and maturing, and finding a clear sense of self. It’s partly about developing immunity (self-soothing) to adult-level anxiety, allowing people to balance their feelings and thinking enough to nourish relationships.
I continuously use a developmental perspective. It’s about how people, families (including chosen) and relationships take their shape over time. Seeing adults as constantly growing (especially in relationships) creates productive therapy far better than an emphasis on what’s wrong or pathologic.
Here are some influences on my work.